Not long after I moved to New York I renewed contact with my
father in Delaware, at first to touch him for cash, then I started going down
to visit him on weekends with increasing and more relaxed frequency as it
became apparent that we were more or less congenial, especially if I listened
and he did the talking (an arrangement I’ve all-too-frequently been conned
into). We settled upon what I regarded as a fair exchange: I came down on the
weekends and listened to his blather and he parted with sufficient C-notes to help
me out with my rent. He’d managed somehow to save a bit, not that he was living
the life of a Howard Hughes, or even Reilly; he drove a limping Fiat and his
home was a dark and smoke-redolent apartment above a camera store on Delaware
Avenue. He, who in his halcyon days had beheld the glories of Europe from her
church steeples, across the rooftops of Venice, the Vatican and beyond, had a
view—or would have had, if he’d ever cared to raise the dirty yellow blinds—of
a streetcorner liquor store and its ragged clientele, who frequently broke into
thunderous disputation, or song, especially at night, so Dad kept the blinds
down and the radio permanently on. But with the blinds permanently drawn, even
during the day the interior of the apartment was hard to navigate in the
urine-tinted light. Obstacles were always waiting to pounce: chairs upon which
towered dusty objets of indeterminate
nature, spare sideboards or occasional tables hidden under snowdrifts of unused
bed sheets, bath towels and washcloths, never-emptied packing crates, suitcases
full to bursting of handyman’s tools awaiting their maiden usage. On the coffee
table in the living room, the stacks of reel-to-reel tapes, magazines, and
technical radio and TV manuals towered so high that when we sat on either side
of the table after a slap-up feast of lukewarm canned ravioli or take-out pizza
we were mutually invisible except as upcurling ribbons of pipe or cigarette
smoke. From my father’s direction would emanate explosive coughing fits, loud
throat-clearings, and embittered monologues on life and the universe, delivered
in his tobacco- and whiskey-cured baritone. Whiskey, usually Canadian,
occasionally Irish, flowed freely, along with a poisonous American “malt
liquor,” or fortified beer, called “Olde English,” popular among the customers
of the liquor store opposite and which for some reason my father thought was
actually from England and therefore bound to be good (as a dyed-in-the-wool
paddy he had the breed’s sneaking, forelock-tugging, but never
publicly-confessed, reverence for all things British).
Like
Hitler, Dad had a great repertoire of table talk, and like Kingsley Amis's
Lucky Jim, I had a considerable repertoire of funny faces, with names for the
best ones: The Giant Rat of Sumatra; Gordon of Khartoum; the Heroin Addict; and
so on. In the course of the average paternal jeremiad, hidden behind the wall
of tapes and magazines on the coffee table I could easily go through all these
faces, and often took the opportunity to do so. But by the time I’d been going
down to Wilmington for six months or so I developed a wry and guarded affection
for the old badger. I took him seriously when, more or less sober, he told the
simple stories of his own life, not the grand epics starring himself with
Eisenhower and Montgomery, but the memories of his impoverished schooldays and
his hawk-eyed mother and humble father and the small but rock-hard tragedy of
his younger brother George Dana, who grew up in Dad’s worldly shadow and never
married and worked in the same savings and loan society all his life and never
left Wilmington except to come to Florida to visit us once when I was 3 or 4—a
sad, unfulfilled, small-town character out of Thornton Wilder or Edwin
Arlington Robinson. (Or John McGahern.)
“Stupid bastard never even went to
Philly,” observed Dad. (Philly is about eighteen miles from Wilmington.) “What
a stupid bastard.”
My father died at the end of 1980,
shortly after delightedly learning that President Carter had been defeated in
the general election. Such excess of good news (he loathed "that grinning
Georgia cracker") may have done him in. Three weeks earlier I’d helped him
move from the Delaware Avenue lair into a modern, airy apartment that
overlooked a narrow ribbon of the Delaware River. The new place was too sterile
for him, despite the heavy tobacco odor and grime-sheened possessions we
imported from his old flat. It was no good. He disliked his new digs, but then
he disliked everything at first; no doubt he’d have adjusted to it in time. But
he had no time left. His wan brother, my uncle George, called me one night at
my New York flat and told me Dad had had a stroke and was in the Veterans’
Hospital in Wilmington and wasn’t expected to live through the night. Not
unaware of the inherent drama of the situation, I took a night train from Penn
Station (fortunately, I had just enough for the fare) and spent the next three
days at the bedside of my dying father, who was only just capable of
recognizing me, being otherwise twisted and distorted like an old tree root by
the stroke. He stared at the ceiling most of the time, but in a final moment of
lucidity just before he died, he hoisted himself up on one elbow and cleared
his throat as I’d heard him do so many times and said casually, as if making
conversation over pre-dinner beers: “You know, I always meant to tell you, son,
we Boylans are descended from an Irish princess.”
I didn’t know what to say, not being aware
of any princesses in our Monaghan hog-farmer bloodlines. He stared for a
moment, and then fell sideways, as if shot. He was dead at 72. Not a great age,
but not too bad, considering.