My computer has been invaded by aliens. Actually, it's a very Earthbound alien, a homemade virus called Privacy Center, a fairly basic one as far as these things go, but capable of wreaking considerable damage. It stands between me and my desktop, so I can't access any of my files: When I try, a fake computer-scan screen pops up, aglitter with twinkling check marks and exclamation points, and tells me my computer's infected with half a million viruses, which only Privacy Center can destroy. Then, when I try to close the screen, the unbelievably arrogant thing flashes a popup box that says "This Action is Prohibited," a bit like telling me in my own house that I can't go to the bathroom. The only way of getting rid of it is to click on a list of "anti-virus software packages" that are offered for $79.95 each, pending receipt of one's credit card number: and there's the point of it all, identity theft and robbery. But what's more sinister is the way my intruder instantly knows what I'm doing and the way it interferes with any attempt on my part to download anything, especially anti-virus software. If I Google, say, "Windows Defender," it springs into action and I promptly get another of those infernal little popup screens, saying "Computer Error." But if I then Google something unrelated to computers, like Audi automobiles or Scotch whiskey, there are no impediments in my way. Fortunately, I haven't attempted to connect to my flash drive, which contains my current writing files, so they should be uninfected--so far. But I'm pretty incompetent with computers, as this whole episode no doubt makes obvious, so I have no idea where and when the next virus/worm/computer succubus will spring onto my shoulder. Next stop: the Geek squad. But my Irish ancestors would find this a familiar experience; the intruder has all the characteristics of a clurichaun, a mischief-making, pocket-picking thief who hid in dark places.and emerged to sow confusion and distress. He was hard to chase off, and could sometimes get downright vicious. Nothing new under the sun, indeed. And malice is as old as the world.